By Jocelyn Jackson Williams | Special to the OBSERVER
I occasionally have the thought that if I had a time machine and could go back in time to the beginning of angst, aka my teenage years, what would I say? I would have to travel back to my high school self to prepare her for the transition out of my parents’ house and into the beginnings of my young adulthood life. On a personal note, I would tell her who to avoid. But on a broader scale, I would provide her with the academic and social-emotional resources I did not have access to.
When I was a junior in high school, I didn’t like my SAT scores results. I bought an SAT study prep book and took the test again as a senior to get a higher score. In the midst of studying to retake the test, I thought, “Why didn’t I think to do this as a freshman?” Looking back, I’m also wondering how is that neither my school nor community provided mentorship for college preparation.
The summer before my freshman year, I participated in a program that allows you to move in early and get acclimated to the campus prior to the start of the school year. We took classes during this summer program. I was on my way to take my final when a peer advisor stopped me, asked me to come into her office so she could let me know that she (a mentor) and other women (my peers) involved in the program didn’t like me. I did not have the emotional dexterity to disregard her; instead I carried the fear of being disliked with me throughout my college years. Looking back, I wish I would have said something to an administrator, but I didn’t know how to advocate for myself.
Dear High School Student, I don’t know what kind of mentorship you have in your life. As such, I write this column as an open letter to you. I pray it finds you in the midst of school work, extracurriculars, and curfew. I write this with the mindset of what I would have liked to have heard and known in high school. If I had to do it all over again, here’s what I would do differently academically, socially, and emotionally to prepare myself for college.
Prep for exams & scholarships
If Your College of Choice Requires Standardized Testing, Start Practicing Now
Begin to prep for scholarship requirements and college admission testing now. I wish I would have practiced with sample tests starting in my freshman year of high school. When you begin to practice, get support from a teacher or tutor with any areas that you find unfamiliar or difficult.
As Much As Possible, Get As Much Funding You Can to Pay for Your College
For scholarships, research what is available so you know in advance what they are looking for.
Get Local Support
If you have a local organization that helps with college prep, please reach out to them for next steps. If you are in the Sacramento region, organizations like Improve Your Tomorrow, Inc. are ready and excited to prepare you for success. If your dream is to attend an HBCU Alan Rowe College Prep is a great resource to achieve that dream. Wherever you are, explore all that is available to you.
Prioritize Your Mental Health: this is how you put yourself first
When I do a search for “putting yourself first” on Instagram, I get lots of commentary and quotes, but I don’t see many tools or actionable steps. This leads most people to determine for themselves what it means. But I believe it needs to be defined and specific. The first thing to uncover, Dear High School Student, is while growing up how much were you supported to have a mind of your own and in so doing, were you taught critical thinking skills? Were you allowed or encouraged to share your thoughts and emotions? The answer to these questions matters because you will need to exercise critical thinking and grow in emotional maturity as you weather all the unexpected life experiences college will throw your way.
Some of the best advice I can offer is to be very clear about who you want to be and who you don’t want to be. The most profound wisdom that you can carry with you comes from Audre Lorde who said, “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.”
Back in my college days, many a co-ed spent their time exercising their freedoms to their own social and emotional detriment. Others, like me, harbored childhood experiences and traumas to themselves and never sought out much needed support to heal from the events that stifled their personality and shattered their sense of safety. Putting yourself first is not only making healthy choices but knowing how and when to get help.
Putting yourself first means not only tending to your mental health but all things emotional and spiritual as well.
If you were to look at my grades in the last quarter of my college years, you might assume I was slacking off. When in reality, I had accumulated a bevy of unresolved grief, and I had no idea how to resolve any of it. I experienced sexual assault, I was the center of a dehumanizing rumor, and my core peer group consisted of a couple of people who did not have my best interest at heart. The result of me not getting help was taking one poor decision and finding a way to make it worse. Nowadays, campus resources exist to provide therapy and counseling but none of these benefits matter if they are not utilized. Dear High School Student, learn now how to care for yourself in the most healing of ways. I deeply desire for you to learn how to overcome disappointment and heartbreak to maintain a firm sense of self, love, and sanity.
A popular book to gift to high school graduates is Dr. Seuss’ Oh the Places You’ll Go! While I love that book, my concern for the younger generation is how they view themselves and how they interact in all the places that they will be going. Two years ago, I started giving the same graduation gift to give to every high school graduate: the book How to Be an Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration by David Richo. Many adults struggle with integrating their mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being within the daily rigor of career and family. What if from an earlier age we learn that our health and happiness are not a result of our achievements but who we have learned to be and how we consciously demonstrate ourselves within the world?
Dear High School Student, some of the most exciting years are ahead of you as you discover what matters most to you and interact in this world accordingly. My prayer for you is that twenty years from now, you will not be fantasizing about time machines because you spent your young adulthood learning how to be profoundly at peace with yourself so you can love yourself righteously and love others wholeheartedly. Oh, the places you will go.