By Jocelyn Jackson Williams | OBSERVER Columnist
There’s a moment for every single person that thrusts them into the visceral experience of being single during the holidays. For some people, it’s going to a Friendsgiving dinner and having the thought, “I can’t wait until I have a family of my own to host dinners.” Or you could be watching a commercial with a family in matching pajamas sitting around a Christmas tree seemingly living their best lives. Or if you have a story like mine, you could have been minding your happily single business when a family member blurts out, “Well, I guess you’ve just given up trying to get married at this point.”
For longer than I cared to remember, I dreamt, imagined, wished, prayed, prepared for, and awaited Mr. Right’s appearance into my life. At some point, the constant output of my hopes and dreams with no input to show for it proved to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. My hopes grew numb. Dear Single Person, how are you feeling this holiday season?
You might say, “Great! I love my life exactly the way it is. “If this is you, you may go through the next few months with relative ease. But if you groan at the thought of being single this holiday season, I have a couple of necessary tips to navigate this time with as much mental and emotional ease as possible.
1. Unearth Your Thoughts And Free Yourself from the Ones That Are Negative and Hopeless
I once heard someone say that we are the architects of our own misery. I know from the recovery work that I do that the instigator of that misery is our thought life. Because many of us do not like the uncertainty of the future, we create our own conclusions.
“I’m still single. And if Lisa can get a man and I can’t, that means that there must be something wrong with me.”
“Once again, I don’t have anyone to kiss for New Year’s. Therefore, no one will ever want me.”
“If only I were more attractive, I would have someone.” “The statistics are stacked against me.” “I’m just unlucky in love.”
When we entertain thoughts and beliefs embedded in hopelessness, we, not the circumstance, become the true source of our suffering. It’s important, Dear Single Person, to first be conscious of the beliefs and conclusions you tell yourself so you can move on to Tip #2.
2. Craft Your Right Now Life
When I was single, I made it my goal to live my life unaffected by my disappointments. I used to not buy certain things because I thought they were intended for family life. I didn’t buy that fancy blender because that’s intended for making special treats for loved ones during Christmas time. I’m now married and own a fancy blender that I never use; do you see where I’m going with this? Some of the restrictions we place on our lives are due to our disappointments. But what would it look like this Singles Awareness Season to live your life tethered to hope and vision? Go on that trip. Buy that massage chair. Live your absolute best life in the midst of it all.
One of the greatest pieces of advice comes from the Bible. Romans 12 v 2(b) says to be transformed by the renewal of your mind. Here’s to a season of renewal that keeps your heart and spirit light and happy.
Dear Single People: I would like to check in with you around Valentine’s Day to find out what you did with your thought life and how you crafted your life over the holiday season. Be about it. And let me know about it on the socials.
Jocelyn Jackson Williams is a published author and one of only ten Certification Trainers in the country, and the only person of color, of the Grief Recovery Method. She is passionate about issues surrounding love, life, and loss in the Black community. You can connect with her on Instagram, TikTok and Threads: @jocelyn_takes_on